this is amazing!
click here if you're interested in seeing more of her work.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Saturday, September 27, 2008
101 ways of saying 'i'm gay' without saying it
'got everything but the wife'
my girl and i were window shopping for furniture a few months ago in newtown, sydney's other gay central (other than oxford st) and the shop assistant came up to us to and said hi. we were admiring this very cool leather couch when the shop assistant said 'yeah, i have that same couch and i also have the dog. the only thing missing is the wife'. it took a few seconds for me to register what she had said. i was so impressed with how she did it. we exchanged a few laughs and off we went. sometimes i find myself feeling like i have to explain and go through my personal history to get to my point. i left the store buzzing from that brief encounter.
'my partner...she...'
i was at a work meeting the other day and i had been wondering if she is gay. i have seen her wear a rainbow wristband but that could still mean anything. she has mentioned her partner a few times but have never followed it up with the 'he...or she...'. the other day she finally said it...'my partner works there. so my partner can pick up the art work....she...'. there! she finally said it! she's family. i left the meeting with a huge smile on my face.
i find the coming out quite excruciating at times. i am slowly realising that the level of comfort i feel about who i am also reflects on how comfortable i am about telling others. if i feel like i don't need to explain then it becomes just another topic of conversation or just like saying 'i'm don't like tea, i prefer coffee'.
there are times when i get frustrated with feeling like i have to come out all the time. then i ask myself why do i feel like i have to come out all all the time? why do i feel like i have to explain myself to everyone? straight people don't say 'hi, my name is....and i'm straight'.
but i also know that some friends/relationships will appreciate hearing it from me personally.
i sent another email to one of my close friends this morning. it took almost a month to write it, not sure why but for some reason i just struggled to get it finished. in the end i bit the bullet and decided to just write my thoughts and send it off. we'll see how she responds to it.
these last few weeks have been like 'coming out month' for me. i moved to sydney totally in the closet, not even knowing if i really will have the courage to come out. when i started my job i avoided all conversations related to dating and partners. i was that uncertain that i even made sure i mention enough 'dates with guys' stories in conversations. it was part of my process. i'm not proud of it but at the time i really didn't know how to deal with the 'i'm in the process of coming out' phase.
i am leaving this job totally out to everyone. everyone knows i am going back home to be with my girl. when my resignation comes up in conversations i now just say 'yes, i found a great job and my partner is in ... and she is ...'. i say this without blinking or changing the tone of my voice.
have i come a long way? oh god yes. major growth spurts in the last eighteen months.
confidence level up? yes. i guess i just feel more comfortable about not having to explain who i am. instead of feeling comfortable about having to explain who i am. quite a significant difference. i still stumble at times but it's getting easier.
so this blog started with me falling in love with my new found best friend.
this is not quite 'the end' of the story yet. in fact i see this as another chapter to this journey. our relationship has gone from we're best friends to 'let's see how this goes' -> to 'this is something worth paying attention to' -> to numerous flights to spend time together -> to 'here's a promise ring' -> to 'i'm moving back home to be with her'. my career is flexible enough to be able to handle the change, while she's is deeply rooted in her study commitments and her job opportunities.
she is amazing. you know how sometimes you dream of the kind of person you would love to end up with and wonder if it's ever going to happen or if it's possible at all. she is that person.
the next challenge is coming out to my old life back home. facing people who knew me as the straight-church-going-girl to the new me. i'm anxious. i've lost sleep over it. but each day i am reminded of what else i'm going back to. a life with her.
re-discovering my old stomping grounds with my new found life.
living an authentic life in a world that represents closetedness and years of denial will require a serious paradigm shift for me...and i feel like i have to explain this shift to everyone.
...but that's what it is...this is now about me...and maybe i will finally learn to have the courage to not feel like i have to say it...at all. that i'm gay. full stop. no explanations required.
my girl and i were window shopping for furniture a few months ago in newtown, sydney's other gay central (other than oxford st) and the shop assistant came up to us to and said hi. we were admiring this very cool leather couch when the shop assistant said 'yeah, i have that same couch and i also have the dog. the only thing missing is the wife'. it took a few seconds for me to register what she had said. i was so impressed with how she did it. we exchanged a few laughs and off we went. sometimes i find myself feeling like i have to explain and go through my personal history to get to my point. i left the store buzzing from that brief encounter.
'my partner...she...'
i was at a work meeting the other day and i had been wondering if she is gay. i have seen her wear a rainbow wristband but that could still mean anything. she has mentioned her partner a few times but have never followed it up with the 'he...or she...'. the other day she finally said it...'my partner works there. so my partner can pick up the art work....she...'. there! she finally said it! she's family. i left the meeting with a huge smile on my face.
i find the coming out quite excruciating at times. i am slowly realising that the level of comfort i feel about who i am also reflects on how comfortable i am about telling others. if i feel like i don't need to explain then it becomes just another topic of conversation or just like saying 'i'm don't like tea, i prefer coffee'.
there are times when i get frustrated with feeling like i have to come out all the time. then i ask myself why do i feel like i have to come out all all the time? why do i feel like i have to explain myself to everyone? straight people don't say 'hi, my name is....and i'm straight'.
but i also know that some friends/relationships will appreciate hearing it from me personally.
i sent another email to one of my close friends this morning. it took almost a month to write it, not sure why but for some reason i just struggled to get it finished. in the end i bit the bullet and decided to just write my thoughts and send it off. we'll see how she responds to it.
these last few weeks have been like 'coming out month' for me. i moved to sydney totally in the closet, not even knowing if i really will have the courage to come out. when i started my job i avoided all conversations related to dating and partners. i was that uncertain that i even made sure i mention enough 'dates with guys' stories in conversations. it was part of my process. i'm not proud of it but at the time i really didn't know how to deal with the 'i'm in the process of coming out' phase.
i am leaving this job totally out to everyone. everyone knows i am going back home to be with my girl. when my resignation comes up in conversations i now just say 'yes, i found a great job and my partner is in ... and she is ...'. i say this without blinking or changing the tone of my voice.
have i come a long way? oh god yes. major growth spurts in the last eighteen months.
confidence level up? yes. i guess i just feel more comfortable about not having to explain who i am. instead of feeling comfortable about having to explain who i am. quite a significant difference. i still stumble at times but it's getting easier.
so this blog started with me falling in love with my new found best friend.
this is not quite 'the end' of the story yet. in fact i see this as another chapter to this journey. our relationship has gone from we're best friends to 'let's see how this goes' -> to 'this is something worth paying attention to' -> to numerous flights to spend time together -> to 'here's a promise ring' -> to 'i'm moving back home to be with her'. my career is flexible enough to be able to handle the change, while she's is deeply rooted in her study commitments and her job opportunities.
she is amazing. you know how sometimes you dream of the kind of person you would love to end up with and wonder if it's ever going to happen or if it's possible at all. she is that person.
the next challenge is coming out to my old life back home. facing people who knew me as the straight-church-going-girl to the new me. i'm anxious. i've lost sleep over it. but each day i am reminded of what else i'm going back to. a life with her.
re-discovering my old stomping grounds with my new found life.
living an authentic life in a world that represents closetedness and years of denial will require a serious paradigm shift for me...and i feel like i have to explain this shift to everyone.
...but that's what it is...this is now about me...and maybe i will finally learn to have the courage to not feel like i have to say it...at all. that i'm gay. full stop. no explanations required.
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