OUT and about

current status: coming out

so i came out to some new friends last week. i knew it was going to come up so i prepared myself mentally and emotionally for the inevitable. there's only so much dodging one can do when questions like 'so what about you? are you seeing anyone?'. my usual response is 'no' and make it clear that i am not interested in discussing it further. i figured, i'm done with dodging. i want to let these friends know. so i told them. she (straight chick) said 'i kinda knew!', he (gay boy) said 'i had no idea'. another friend turned up later (straight boy) who said 'yeah, i knew that because you came in with [dyke friend]. so there, guilty by association. i was already out without knowing it.

the next day, a friend posted a picture on the web taken from a gig i went to. my first reaction was '[faint] - take that photo down now!'. i recovered quickly enough to realise how pathetic that must have sounded. my first thoughts were, i am not even out to everyone and what if they see the photo'. sensible friends basically said that only those who are in the know are likely to check that site anyway. my mom is never going to find out about that site! my thing is, i have been thinking about telling my mom but it's all about timing. i'd rather that she hears it form me first than through some other means. however, i also figured that it's quite symbolic. asking my friend to take the photo down is equivalent to me going right back deep into the closet.

so day one: out to new friends, who knew anyway

and day two: out to the whole city!

the first friend i shared this whole 'i am gay' thing told me 'be ready coz you won't be able to stop this once the ball starts rolling'.

i think this IS what she was talking about.

falling in love with your best friend

it's fitting to start my first posting on the very thing that has made some (or many) of us realise that we're gay. we fell in love with our best friends and we didn't even know it. we thought it was some deep connection, and maybe it was, but these connections got all mixed up with attraction and other 'interesting' thoughts.

so i met a girl online. we became the best of buddies. then i started to wonder when it was that we made a decision that this was only all about friendship. i got all confused. i told her i was attracted to her. holy moly and a few days of processing later, we agreed it's pure friendship - and a great one at that. so ouch. but yes, i agree. although i'd much rather marry her. i know friendship with her is what i really need right now and vice versa.

it takes a lot to focus the emotions away from attraction to platonic thoughts. but when you finally get to a place where it no longer stings as much as it used to, then you know you are slowly moving on.

that's what i call progress.